Crossed Lines

I have to admit that I do not live in an abundant mindset.

I could go on and on about how my mindset was formed when I was raised by a single dad, who bounced from job to job trying to find a way to get ahead, only to enter a relationship with someone who used him (and eventually all his children) for years. About how my family for as many generations as I know were laborers, farms, mills, whatever was available at the time.

I could waste your time explaining how I live in a depressed, rural area, on the edge of the world, where it is impossible to make enough money to pay all the bills, much less get out from underneath the eight ball.

However, I won’t spend anymore time on the limitations. I need to change my mindset. It’s time to get myself out of the hole that I feel I’m in. It is time to move the needle.

Time to move the needle, but not necessarily time to move forward.

That hole is really a gully

For years, my mindset has lead me to think of my position in life as a hole. I have spent years thinking that I needed to work hard to get myself and my family out of that hole, and despaired at the lack of quality tools at my disposal.

I have been focused on my footing, and handholds directly along the path that I think I need to take. I have flatly ignored anything outside of that path, letting myself think that the slope surrounds me, and is as steep on every side (even behind me).

Some months ago I realized that the hole that I was envisioning is actually a gully. I have been trying to scale a slope that is too steep for me, instead of turning, adjusting my path or even traveling along the trench to find another route to my desired destination.

All the time that I had been working on moving along this path, trying to buoy my spirit over not having adequate means, I’ve been ignoring the most important tool that any of us has. My attention!

In my bullheadedness, I have been trying to go straight up an insurmountable grade, instead of taking a look around and trying to find a better way to get there.

It’s time to look for that better way. I may never find it, but you never know until you try. After all, the best definition of insanity is repeatedly trying the same thing, and expecting different results (as is credited to A. Einstein). I haven’t been able to move the needle the way I’ve been trying, it’s high-time to try another direction.

I may not be able to scale the wall of my trough, but maybe if I move a different direction along it, I will find an opening that leads me toward my goal. Maybe it will lead to more difficult places, but you never know unless you move.

Maybe, if I move long enough and pay enough attention, it will lead to a shallower grade. Maybe it will lead to places where I can blaze my own trail.

Maybe by paying a little less attention to the goal, and more attention to the conditions surrounding me I will be able to climb out of the ditch switching directions back and forth like a hiking trail, or a rural highway leads up a mountain side.

Remember to tack

Paying attention will be the key. For too long I have held the thought of myself as the labor, I need to start to manage myself. I need to captain my ship, not just handle the ropes.

It turns out that while traveling under sail, it is exceedingly rare to get a wind that will take you directly to the place you want to go.

There are tools to adjust the way that the boat interacts with both the water and the wind, and if the wind you have is very close to that rare and perfect condition, these are adequate for getting the boat where you intend.

However, there are many times when the wind isn’t even close to perfect. At these times the sails can be stowed, but the boat will still be subject to the currents. Most of the time the best thing to do is to go ahead and move, but to go along a line that gets you close to your destination.

As you approach your intended destination, or as the winds change (and they do change), you can change the direction that you are traveling to get you closer and closer to where you wanted to go in the first place. By moving in a wrong direction, you are getting home faster than if you sat still (which is never as still as you think).

I need to start keeping my sails full, keep a weather eye, and be prepared to change my tack to keep me moving toward my destination.

Keep the light shining

Along my way, I need to make certain that I don’t lose anyone that wants to follow my path.

I have been busy doing the work of my life, and that work will have caught the attention of some in my surroundings. I need to keep shining my light out so that I lead the willing along my new path, and attract a community interested in moving their own position.

You could consider this post as a turn signal, letting those in my neighboring lanes know that I intend to disrupt the flow of traffic, and find a new path.

Now to see how quickly I can steer this ship to a new heading, and what winds I my find out there.

Stay tuned.

Let me start by apologizing about my last post. I was trying to get to a place where I was writing more regularly, and while I had some ideas that I needed to get out, I clearly was not in a space to write to you. I felt that the post was off before I posted it, but was not in a place to rewrite it.

It has been a minute since I wrote that and some stuff has definitely come up for me, but I’m still working through it and will have to bring it to you once I can finish processing it all.

I have a problem

Today while I’m filling time with my day job, I’m listening to an episode of Seth Godin’s Akimbo podcast. The episode is called Bill Gates has a problem, and presents the idea that the list of billionaires that was started by Bill Gates and Warren Buffett is still making money faster than they are giving it away, and that one of the reasons for that fact that many of them are using the money the same way that they look for investments, and philanthropic efforts suffer because they are left in a penny pinching environment that stifles the creativity necessary to take them to the next level.

Seth posits that in lieu of investing in efforts that may make a tremendous difference to some downtrodden community or another these people that are far beyond the point where they need to work for their daily bread are making donations that will earn them a building or at least a wing with their name on it.

At about 20 minutes into the episode, I realized that they are doing this because they think that is the way that they will shine their light furthest out into the world. That they know that one day they will die, and that this thing can carry their name well into the future.

Right on the heals of that thought, it occurred to me that I too am just doing the best that I can to shine my light out into the world and leave a legacy after I shuffle off my mortal coil.

Shine your light out

The writing that I’m doing here is one way that I’m trying my best. With some more practice, maybe someday I’ll get my message down to something that will help someone. After my last post it is clear that I could use some more practice, but I hope that in general my writing is getting clearer.

I’m not just writing out into the darkness. As I mentioned earlier, recently some things have come up for me, and when I’ve processed them enough, I will put them out to the world here. The first step in that processing was having an emotional discussion on the subject with a dear friend of mine (who happens to be an editor), and asking her if she would mind looking over my thoughts when I can finally coral them.

With her help, I intend to put the thoughts out, not just here on my website that is hidden in plain site, but giving it some legs on social media. Part of me wonders if, in good time, she will look at other posts for me.

Getting lost in the fog

These posts are not the only way that I’m trying to shine my light out into my communities. Sometimes though my light seems to be lost in the fog.

I think that the work that I do with the scout units is an investment that can continue to pay off through the ages. While I myself have a very brief scouting story, I have encountered too many former scouts and scout moms that look back fondly on their experiences, and learned far too much as an adult leader myself too not see an immense value in the experience, and see how the lessons learned can be reinvested many times into the future.

That being said, I have been struggling to help in one of my scout units. On one hand, I see glaring problems with the delivery of the program, and every time I jump to fill another crack in the dam, I’m told that my help is appreciated, but then on the other hand, when I point out a challenge, my advice is disregarded.

I try to overlook these slights and others, but after so many years invested in the effort to learn, follow, and teach the patrol method to each wave of adults and youth; foster the scouting spirit; and grow this unit in particular and the care that I try to give to each family that is following the trail to eagle, I have started to care less for those that need to be in charge more than they need to guide these youth.

This change in my attitude toward those that clearly have a need (whether they will identify it or not) feels like a loss to me. A battle that came to me, that I was not prepared to wage. I’m especially troubled by the seeming loss, as I will have continuing opportunity to slip into the conflict as I shift my attention to a unit that has loose links to those leaders.

I feel like my light is lost in the fog of a war that I don’t even believe in, but I hold hope that the conflict will be brief. What I know is that I need to shine my light out, and that I will endeavor to avoid the fray in order to keep the fog to a minimum.

I’m continue to be certain that there are those that need to see my light, and that I need to let those that are looking for another light go on their own path. Until they are finished packing their bags and get on their way, the best that I can do is steer clear and continue to shine out to the rest of the world.

So for now, shine on.

If you are busy doing your work, and keeping your light bright, others will notice. You will gain the attention, however briefly to those closest to you.

Quickly, many of those others will start to let you know that what you are doing does not suit them. They may make fun of you, tell you the foolishness of your work, or even actively obstruct your work.

Do your best to ignore these messages. If the work you’re doing lights you up, do it as much as you can. Stoke those fires, and disregard the naysayers.

Shine out bright

With your fires stoked and burning brightly, throw back the shade, lift up your light, and let it reach out as far as it can.

While your work may not be of interest to those closest to you, the more you shine out your light, the more chances you have to attract the attention of those that enter your vicinity, however briefly.

As I’m fortunate to live on the Left Coast, I helped out on a field trip for one of my sons some time ago to a lighthouse that is still being kept. During the trip, I spotted a navigational chart, and noticed that each lighthouse was marked by a circle indicating the distance from which the light could be seen by ships traveling the coastline.

Keep your light as bright as you can and build it up high, so that it can reach further out to the world as it sails past. The more ships that your beacon can reach, the more likely you are to attract someone to help you build your beacon higher.

Shine out clear

As you continue to do the work, keep doing what builds your beacon higher, and your fires brighter.

Those closest to you may try to persuade you to do your work their way. If their way makes your fire burn brighter, that’s great, gratefully accept the assistance. If, however, the change puts a filter on your light, then you may not be attracting the traffic that will help you build up your beacon.

Another detail that I noticed on that navigational chart was that the circle for each lighthouse was broken in a pattern that represented sixty seconds. While I had driven past this lighthouse for years, I had failed to realize that the light blinked in a specific pattern to signal to any ships that might need to use it for navigation, not only that there was a lighthouse here, but precisely which one they were looking at.

If you are letting those in your immediate vicinity put too much influence on your work, then your signal will be distorted. This distorted message may attract more negative influence, and may keep those whose attention you need to attract from noticing your light.

Like that lighthouse if you are truly doing your work, you will put out a clear signal that says this is me and this is what I’m about. That signal has a much better chance of attracting the help, tools, and goods that you need to keep building your beacon ever higher, and stoking those fires brighter and brighter.

This post is brought to you by the Friends of the Yaquina Light House, and Cathy Heller’s podcast Don’t Keep Your Day Job.

The little town that I live in seems to have as many antique shops as coffee stands, and since I’m the Great Northwest, that is more than a few.

I’m not a collector or connoisseur of antiques, but when I make the time to visit one, I’m often reminded of the saying “One man’s trash is an other’s treasure”. In these shops will wait items in various stages of use or abuse that someone was finished with, but there remains hope that someone else will be attracted to some feature or another. Sometimes that feature is called patina by the shop staff.

Some will look at corrosion, or a dent, or a scratch, or a crack and see a problem exposed to the world. A reason to move on to a more presentable item. Some will see an opportunity to greater profit, a challenge to be rubbed out, cleaned, straightened, or replaced. Still others may see a beauty mark, the sign someone used the item as a significant part of their life.

The other day while listening to a podcast featuring Dr. Nicole LaPera, the guest presented the question whether or not an attempt to break free of an emotional cycle should be about removing the wounds created during that cycle (approx 1hr 14min into the School of Greatness episode). I had a nearly visceral reaction, I wanted to stop and argue against that right way. I wanted to stop where I was and write this post immediately, but instead I made a quick note on my voice recorder and continued to my next job.

Like a damaged antique, there is sometimes more value if the character is left intact. Also, most work to cover flaws, covers much more than just the blemishes, and often doesn’t disguise the flaw very well. If someone works to eliminate the emotional wounds from a bad relationship, it’s likely that they will miss a spot or two, and even more likely that they may do away with something special or even unique that the relationship brought into their life.

I want to argue that instead of hiding these wounds, trying to cover the warts and blemishes of our experience to date, we should open up about them, share them with our communities. Let the light shine out through the cracks in the globe of our lantern, let our people know what we went through when they are in a place to listen to the story.

The greatest successes in the self help sphere seem to be people who were damaged, yet found a way to share their pain and grow through the sharing. These people who were struggling to find a way to change the world, then found that by telling the story they would attract a vibrant following, and together with that community began the healing in earnest.

The work these successes were doing led them to shine their light through the cracks in their lanterns, but people saw value in the work, and some really connected with the light that poured through the broken globes. Those that were attracted to the unique light, share that light with their communities, sometimes letting their own cracks show and starting their own healing.

The work we do shines out onto the world, and we can choose to put shutters on the light, attempting to hide the cracks, or we can choose to remove the shutters and let all the light out into the world. Shining light through the cracks can help us tell the stories, and help us lead others out of painful situations and to faster healing.

Some will see the cracks and only see something to be cast off. These are not your people, don’t be concerned with them. Some will not even notice the cracks, seeing only the light. Serve these as your abilities allow.

This service will spread your light. As you continue in this service, telling your story, shining your light through the cracks that are your wounds, some will see a beauty in the cracks. These can become the community that helps to heal you. These can be the people that magnify your light and attract more people to learn from your pain, and interrupt the cycle that they may be trapped in.

So, there you are. If you are wounded or living in pain, please don’t hide or disguise it. Do your work, share your story, let your light shine out through the cracks and all. Things won’t change over night, but it is likely that your community will start to recognize that you belong and then together the healing can begin.

With time that healing and other work in your community can help your perspective on your wounds change from cracks to be afraid of sharing, to cool wounds to commiserate over like an old veteran

This post is brought to you by the School of Greatness podcast by Lewis Howes.