Let me start by apologizing about my last post. I was trying to get to a place where I was writing more regularly, and while I had some ideas that I needed to get out, I clearly was not in a space to write to you. I felt that the post was off before I posted it, but was not in a place to rewrite it.
It has been a minute since I wrote that and some stuff has definitely come up for me, but I’m still working through it and will have to bring it to you once I can finish processing it all.
I have a problem
Today while I’m filling time with my day job, I’m listening to an episode of Seth Godin’s Akimbo podcast. The episode is called Bill Gates has a problem, and presents the idea that the list of billionaires that was started by Bill Gates and Warren Buffett is still making money faster than they are giving it away, and that one of the reasons for that fact that many of them are using the money the same way that they look for investments, and philanthropic efforts suffer because they are left in a penny pinching environment that stifles the creativity necessary to take them to the next level.
Seth posits that in lieu of investing in efforts that may make a tremendous difference to some downtrodden community or another these people that are far beyond the point where they need to work for their daily bread are making donations that will earn them a building or at least a wing with their name on it.
At about 20 minutes into the episode, I realized that they are doing this because they think that is the way that they will shine their light furthest out into the world. That they know that one day they will die, and that this thing can carry their name well into the future.
Right on the heals of that thought, it occurred to me that I too am just doing the best that I can to shine my light out into the world and leave a legacy after I shuffle off my mortal coil.
Shine your light out
The writing that I’m doing here is one way that I’m trying my best. With some more practice, maybe someday I’ll get my message down to something that will help someone. After my last post it is clear that I could use some more practice, but I hope that in general my writing is getting clearer.
I’m not just writing out into the darkness. As I mentioned earlier, recently some things have come up for me, and when I’ve processed them enough, I will put them out to the world here. The first step in that processing was having an emotional discussion on the subject with a dear friend of mine (who happens to be an editor), and asking her if she would mind looking over my thoughts when I can finally coral them.
With her help, I intend to put the thoughts out, not just here on my website that is hidden in plain site, but giving it some legs on social media. Part of me wonders if, in good time, she will look at other posts for me.
Getting lost in the fog
These posts are not the only way that I’m trying to shine my light out into my communities. Sometimes though my light seems to be lost in the fog.
I think that the work that I do with the scout units is an investment that can continue to pay off through the ages. While I myself have a very brief scouting story, I have encountered too many former scouts and scout moms that look back fondly on their experiences, and learned far too much as an adult leader myself too not see an immense value in the experience, and see how the lessons learned can be reinvested many times into the future.
That being said, I have been struggling to help in one of my scout units. On one hand, I see glaring problems with the delivery of the program, and every time I jump to fill another crack in the dam, I’m told that my help is appreciated, but then on the other hand, when I point out a challenge, my advice is disregarded.
I try to overlook these slights and others, but after so many years invested in the effort to learn, follow, and teach the patrol method to each wave of adults and youth; foster the scouting spirit; and grow this unit in particular and the care that I try to give to each family that is following the trail to eagle, I have started to care less for those that need to be in charge more than they need to guide these youth.
This change in my attitude toward those that clearly have a need (whether they will identify it or not) feels like a loss to me. A battle that came to me, that I was not prepared to wage. I’m especially troubled by the seeming loss, as I will have continuing opportunity to slip into the conflict as I shift my attention to a unit that has loose links to those leaders.
I feel like my light is lost in the fog of a war that I don’t even believe in, but I hold hope that the conflict will be brief. What I know is that I need to shine my light out, and that I will endeavor to avoid the fray in order to keep the fog to a minimum.
I’m continue to be certain that there are those that need to see my light, and that I need to let those that are looking for another light go on their own path. Until they are finished packing their bags and get on their way, the best that I can do is steer clear and continue to shine out to the rest of the world.
So for now, shine on.